All of what you will read is true… you may find it freaky, disturbing, strange or whatever but believe it. Some things also may be a little too personal, my only reason for sharing is so that I can discover more about this phenomenon and find answers for its occurence. Please leave as much feedback and info as possible especially if you have had the same experiences. Thanks!!
…………November 3rd 2009 2 PM ish….
I opened my eyes and all I could see above me was a bright light. Slowy two images began to appear two images, two men. The men were smiling, laughing and taunting me. From what I could tell, trying to molest me sexually as I tried to scream for help. I could not move. Unable to fight back and defend myself, my mind raced. What is going on? Where am I? I remembered then what was going on, I had been drugged. I closed my eyes helplessly and let myself fade away…
I woke up in my bed, in my room. It was a dream? Relief fowed through me and I thanked god over and over for my safety. It was just so real… I was confused at how such a realistic scene could appear and also at why i would dream up such a thing? I tried to turn around in bed, only to find my body still paralyzed. Oh no, am I still dreaming? I knew I was. I had been through this type of paralyses before. The way I normally deal with it is I focus on moving a small part of my body and eventually I wake up. So lying helplessly on my right side, I tried to move my fingers. Something really strange began to happen at this point…now this had never happened before and I found it a little frightening. I was still paralyzed, couldnt move or breathe ( at least it felt like it) Well I was aware that I really was breathing but I was not in control of it, because I had experienced this type of dream before I trusted that my body is breathing on its own. I heard whispers in my ear, so close. whisers taunting and laughing and me. More than voices there were, and all kept saying teasing like ” shes crazy shes crazzzzy”. I could do nothing, I closed my eyes afraid I would see something I did not want to see and thought to myself over and over, im not crazy and focused on waking up.
I my whole body jumped up and I gasped for air. “Whats wrong, Whats wrong?” My boyfriend who I had even forgotten was in the room asked me frantically.. I responded oh so unconvincingly “nothing just another bad dream…..” I couldnt help but lie. How could I explain this? I knew exactly what it was and most people find it hard to understand. Since I had already been having some unusual nightmares these past weeks that I had told him about, I decided to save my breath and try to get some more rest. I looked at the clock and realized not even a half an hour had passed by… I definately needed sleep. But I found it ever more difficult to go back to bed…. and finally I did.
*** intermission***
So basicaly this is not the first time this has happened to me. In fact this is one of many times I have experienced Sleep Paralysises and Hallucinating Sleep Paralyses, but this was the first auditory experience I have had which made it feel so much more real.
My first encounter with this sleep phenomenon happened about 3 years ago now… paralyses i have have had my whole life but this time was hallucinatory. I was lying in my bed and for some reason, felt like willing myself to become numb. I dont know why, I have never taken interest nor have heard of this kind of thing before. But i kept willing myself to be numb and slowly my fingers began to tingle… my feet and my hands I could not move myself and yet I stayed calm. I felt as if I was rising from my body and that is exactly what had happened… I was no longer on my bed. The whole time I felt in control and incredibly relaxed, knowing for certain I could wake up. I looked around my room and stopped at my doorway. my heart froze. There stood a shadowy figure of an old woman… one that I later discovered most likely to be referred to as ” the old hag” a common occurence during OBEs and Paralysis. At this point I willed myself to wake up but being away from my body made it quite difficult to happen. I focused on fingers fingers fingers and my hands trying to move and she was gone and I fell awake.
Now their is more episodes to this night as well as many more throughout my life since then. Though usually I will have one and then realize what it was, and fall back asleep fine normally. What was different about this most recent experience was that it was not like that. I felt as if I was being tortured and forced away from sleep. Ok well I guess I will explain more….
Back to the Story…
November 3rd 2009, 10:30 PM
So that night I went to bed. I didnt think much of my dreams earlier becuase like I just mentioned, this occurence usually happens only once in while and I am able to sleep fine afterwards.
As soon as I started to drift to sleep my body was paralyzed. I quickly closed my eyes and woke myself up. What is going on? Ten minutes I tried to sleep again and as soon as I start to drift off my body is numb. “Shit” Im thinking what am I going to do? I know that normally this happens as I am lying on my back. So I turned to my side and fell asleep. Right as I begin to drift off I am numb again and unwillingly I begin to rise out of my body. I can sense I am higher now as I drifted past the door and down the stairs. There I saw my roomates sitting on the couch watching T.V. just where I had left them. I wanted so bad to wake up. I was upstairs then stairing out the window, wanting subconsiously to fly away… but would this be a good idea? I thought not and finally was able to take control back to my body and awake. Now I was a little scared, especially to find that only about 40 minutes had gone by since I first went to bed. “How is this happening?” I havent even been asleep long enough to be dreaming…” I was confused but still calm becuase I knew I was the one in control of this… at least this is what I thought. I made myself go back to sleep only to quickly resume my paralyzed state again, watching my room around me I closed my eyes in fear of seeing something I did not want and again left myself behind. This next time I woke up, still only 30
had passed again. I was awake and turned on all my lights in fear, why is this happening to me? why cant I sleep? I felt very strongy that I was being watched, maybe even that I was someones entertainment at that moment. I started to feel less and less in control and this scared me to death. There was no way I was getting any sleep that night. My roomate happened to be upstairs and saw me in the room with my lights on and door open. Knowing I have to be up for work in fours hours he asks “is everything ok”… “yeah just nightmares” I answered with a smile.
I tried to get my mind off of what was going on and maybe a little less than an hour later I fell back asleep. again paralyzed. Ok this is weird. I was getting angry even that for some reason I couldnt sleep and I felt angry at whatever it was that I felt watching me try. my boyfriend had called on his break and he reassurred it would all be ok and that he would come over when he got off. That was very reasurring… though deep down i knew that something was going to go wrong becuase i knew that something was not wanting me to sleep, and wanting me to feel helpless and scared.
After the phone call I tried to stay awake for him but fell asleep. I dreamt. I dreamt so many crazy things. everyone of them a nightmare beyond belief and everyone I knew I was dreaming. I even encountered the dead, who I knew was dead but my curiousity took over and i spoke with him. I was warned and told things I feel are probably very important but a little to personal to put here. these dreams felt like days and were so incredibly frightening I am afraid to even post them here becuase I am really actually embarassed of that fact that my mind could conjure up such things…. I awoke to a dream and yet another. the last dream I woke up to was my boyfriend he had showed up at my house finally… and of course it was not real. I woke up once more to my phone ringing.. it was him. “Where are you?? are you outside??” I asked frantically trying to hold back tears. I didnt even know if I was dreaming or not and had never ever felt to helpess and scared. “No I have bad news….” he began to say… and right away i knew it i fucking knew it, what I thought would happen would I was going to half to stay here all alone and battle this out all night. I began to cry and asked if he was joking this had to be a joke right? ” No I have to stay till first shift… my lead wont let me leave..” I was in tears and could barely choke out words I didnt know what to do. ” please please im so scared…” I could barely choke out words I didnt know what to do, I really felt there was something not wanting me to sleep,wanting me to suffer and this was all part of the game. I had to explain to him what was going on… someone had to understand how I was feeling, I just dont overreact for any reason.
He suggested I go to his house, his roomates were there and he thought if I left the house I would feel better. I agreed but was so scared to even leave my bed. I couldnt tell my roomates… afterall it was only my second night in the house and I felt like waking them up at 2 in the morning becuase I was having “nightmares” might give a bad impression. So instead I regained myself grabbed my work stuff and drove to his house. He called back not long after saying he was on his way home, staying later was not going to happen. Thank you god thank you so much I was thinking, being alone was just not an option for me right now. I felt scared, confused, helpless and so not in control of anything. All i wanted to do was sleep.
Finally, with company I fell asleep and awoke an hour later for work at 4:30 AM still trying to put together the night before.
So like I said all of this real and from what I have researched this sleep disorder is referred to as HSP which leads into other things I described like lucid dreaming and OBEs. If anyone has experienced this or has more information or stories about please do share. Also, if you would like to more details about the dreams I did not describe here and images I have seen feel free to ask. I just dont feel safe posting most up on my blog… haha and oh yeah… good news is I have good sleep for 4 nights now yay!
Posted in Dreams
